D3 body, D1 cock
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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