Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
