i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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