I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
She told me I should be a condom model.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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