I have demons in me.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
