She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
