M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
