youre lurking in front of me
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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