sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
