We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
