Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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