I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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