She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
