so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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