M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
You've changed since you got that strap on
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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