I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
