i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
They took my balls.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
