I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I need to stop coming to work sober
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
