an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
