After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
