I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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