My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
