I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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