Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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