i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Be still, my beating vagina.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
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