I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
