i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I need to wash the frat house off of me
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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