I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
