Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
