Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
