Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
