my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
