Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
