I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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