Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
The beer is more important than you right now.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
