the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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