just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
