in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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