so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
