Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
