dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I just want nice things and good sex
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
