dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
