I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
