Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
bring money and cleavage
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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