I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
