Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
