Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
