your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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