did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
