i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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