I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
