is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Randomize
