i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
