I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
