Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I know her cup size but not her name....
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
