apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
