margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
